Category Archives: Remember When We Were Kids?

Rest in Peace Michael Jackson

Rest in Peace Michael Jackson

His smile as a child was so wide.  His voice encouraged me to dance for the first time. His exuberance on the dance floor made me sing. The intriguing thing about our world is never was there another Michael Jackson and never will there be another.

History is only loyal to a few of us. When I go only a few people will remember me – such is life. And one day nobody will remember me because those who did will be gone too. But individuals like Michael Jackson make history and will be remembered forever.

For what? His moonwalk. The 750 million albums. Thriller. His influence on millions of singers, dancers and musicians; the joy he brought into billions of people’s lives…and yes the allegations against him.

Rest in Peace Michael Jackson. Now it is your chance to sleep easily! Now you can really moon dance.  Enjoy eternity.

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This is a must read, a post on the internet by Lisa Marie Presley

Friday, June 26, 2009

He Knew.

Years ago Michael and I were having a deep conversation about life in general.

I can’t recall the exact subject matter but he may have been questioning me about the circumstances of my Fathers Death.

At some point he paused, he stared at me very intensely and he stated with an almost calm certainty, “I am afraid that I am going to end up like him, the way he did.”

I promptly tried to deter him from the idea, at which point he just shrugged his shoulders and nodded almost matter of fact as if to let me know, he knew what he knew and that was kind of that.

14 years later I am sitting here watching on the news an ambulance leaves the driveway of his home, the big gates, the crowds outside the gates, the coverage, the crowds outside the hospital, the Cause of death and what may have led up to it and the memory of this conversation hit me, as did the unstoppable tears.

A predicted ending by him, by loved ones and by me, but what I didn’t predict was how much it was going to hurt when it finally happened.

The person I failed to help is being transferred right now to the LA County Coroners office for his Autopsy.

All of my indifference and detachment that I worked so hard to achieve over the years has just gone into the bowels of hell and right now I am gutted.

I am going to say now what I have never said before because I want the truth out there for once.

Our relationship was not “a sham” as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a “Normal life” found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much.

I wanted to “save him” I wanted to save him from the inevitable which is what has just happened.

His family and his loved ones also wanted to save him from this as well but didn’t know how and this was 14 years ago. We all worried that this would be the outcome then.

At that time, In trying to save him, I almost lost myself.

He was an incredibly dynamic force and power that was not to be underestimated.

When he used it for something good, It was the best and when he used it for something bad, It was really, REALLY bad.

Mediocrity was not a concept that would even for a second enter Michael Jackson’s being or actions.

I became very ill and emotionally/ spiritually exhausted in my quest to save him from certain self-destructive behavior and from the awful vampires and leeches he would always manage to magnetize around him.

I was in over my head while trying.

I had my children to care for, I had to make a decision.

The hardest decision I have ever had to make, which was to walk away and let his fate have him, even though I desperately loved him and tried to stop or reverse it somehow.

After the Divorce, I spent a few years obsessing about him and what I could have done different, in regret.

Then I spent some angry years at the whole situation.

At some point, I truly became Indifferent, until now.

As I sit here overwhelmed with sadness, reflection and confusion at what was my biggest failure to date, watching on the news almost play by play The exact Scenario I saw happen on August 16th, 1977 happening again right now with Michael (A sight I never wanted to see again) just as he predicted, I am truly, truly gutted.

Any ill experience or words I have felt towards him in the past has just died inside of me along with him.

He was an amazing person and I am lucky to have gotten as close to him as I did and to have had the many experiences and years that we had together.

I desperately hope that he can be relieved from his pain, pressure and turmoil now.

He deserves to be free from all of that and I hope he is in a better place or will be.

I also hope that anyone else who feels they have failed to help him can be set free because he hopefully finally is.

The World is in shock but somehow he knew exactly how his fate would be played out some day more than anyone else knew, and he was right.

I really needed to say this right now, thanks for listening.

~LMP

Remember when you were Kids? Remember the Magic #7

Like most kids, I had a lot of difficulty separating fantasy from reality.  I’m not even entirely sure I’ve mastered it now.  There is something quite beautiful about living in a world of imagination, but it can also be terrifying, because if the comforting laws of reality don’t exist, then literally anything can happen. – Joan Ruzsa

·         I believed that my father and I had the ability to communicate telepathically.  When he drove me to school in the morning, he would tell me that he was going to send me a mental message at a particular time of day, and I always felt that I received it.  There is still a part of me that believes that he and I shared this special connection. 

Comment: Yes, I know about this telephathic stuff. I spoke telepathically with invisible people. Childhood is so magical and I miss it. Another magical moment from my childhoood includes a box I had (it didn’t really exist) which allowed me to make 3 wishes, any wish. My first dream was always to have a billlion/infinity other wishes. Did you have such a box? 

Remember when we were Kids? Remember the Magic? #5

Like most kids, I had a lot of difficulty separating fantasy from reality.  I’m not even entirely sure I’ve mastered it now.  There is something quite beautiful about living in a world of imagination, but it can also be terrifying, because if the comforting laws of reality don’t exist, then literally anything can happen. – Joan Ruzsa

 ·         We had a beautiful purple lilac bush in our backyard.  When it was in bloom in the spring the flowers and leaves would be so dense that it was like a fortress.  I would crawl inside and hang out with my imaginary friend Sam.  I felt totally safe and protected in there, surrounded by the beautiful smell of the lilacs, and warmed by rays of sunshine that found their way in through the leaves and made patterns on the ground.  I really believed that being in there rendered me invisible to the rest of the world.

Why did you want to be invisible to the rest of the world Joan? I know why I would want to be, but curious what lay inside of you that way? Was it because that world, which was only your’s was safer, or because it was just more magical. I hid under a tree yesterday with my son, and we were similarly hidden away from the rest of the world. The trees branches created a lush wall between us and the rest of humanity – and no matter who wanted to come in, and hordes of people did – they were not allowed, even if they knew the password, which was: Bluchgonguck, one of my boys favourite words.

Remember when we were Kids? Remember the Magic? #4

Like most kids, I had a lot of difficulty separating fantasy from reality.  I’m not even entirely sure I’ve mastered it now.  There is something quite beautiful about living in a world of imagination, but it can also be terrifying, because if the comforting laws of reality don’t exist, then literally anything can happen. – Joan Ruzsa

·         I got a lot of stuffed animals as gifts when I was little, and I would have to alternate which ones slept in my bed with me so none of them would feel left out. 

Remember when we were Kids? Remember the Magic #3

Like most kids, I had a lot of difficulty separating fantasy from reality.  I’m not even entirely sure I’ve mastered it now.  There is something quite beautiful about living in a world of imagination, but it can also be terrifying, because if the comforting laws of reality don’t exist, then literally anything can happen.  – Joan Ruzsa

 ·         When I was 10 or 11 I read “Harriet the Spy.”  I felt very connected to the character: a pudgy little girl with short hair and glasses, who felt a little bit alienated from her peers.  So I got a notebook and a bunch of pens, and I used to skulk around our house and in neighbours’ yards eavesdropping on conversations and taking copious notes.  Sadly, I never heard anything particularly incriminating.  My mother also refused to install a dumbwaiter in our house (a little service elevator that’s pulled up and down by a rope where Harriet did some of her best spying).

Question: It is said that little kids can see auras around us….colors. They stop seeing them, however, when we tell them they don’t really exist. What color are you. My colors are yellow, brown and red. How do I know? Because I see them. 

Remember When we were a Kid? Remember the Magic #2

Like most kids, I had a lot of difficulty separating fantasy from reality.  I’m not even entirely sure I’ve mastered it now.  There is something quite beautiful about living in a world of imagination, but it can also be terrifying, because if the comforting laws of reality don’t exist, then literally anything can happen. – Joan Ruzsa

·         A kid a school told me a story about a doll-eating doll, which was purportedly true.  I had already been growing suspicious of my dolls, particularly a ballerina that ran on batteries and pirouetted when you held her finger.  Every night I would lie in bed waiting to hear the faint whir of her motorized legs coming towards me.  I would imagine her little plastic fingers appearing as she pulled herself up onto my bed, and her blue glass eyes glaring at me malevolently.  Eventually I had to move all of my dolls into a locked closet in our spare room. 

Remember When we were Kids? Remember the Magic? #1

Like most kids, I had a lot of difficulty separating fantasy from reality.  I’m not even entirely sure I’ve mastered it now.  There is something quite beautiful about living in a world of imagination, but it can also be terrifying, because if the comforting laws of reality don’t exist, then literally anything can happen. – Joan Rusza

I read the “Chronicles of Narnia” by C.S. Lewis when I was little and loved them.  After “The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe”, I was always looking in all of our closets for hidden passageways that would lead to another world populated with talking lions and white witches.  I’m pretty sure I did this in other peoples’ homes as well.

Comment: Are you still looking in closets for hidden passageways? I am.