Aging Doc

1. I love figs.  I find them to be an elegant and rich fruit. I ate one tonight. But you can’t only eat one. What’s your take on pits? Do they bother you because of the fear of swallowing them, or do you like them because they are something sweet to suck on?

2. A doctor that I visit is getting older. I wonder how he feels knowing his faculties are betraying him more so as he ages. What does he do with the knowledge that his career has a limited timespan and the day is coming closer when he will no longer be able to help others as a physician?

Men often define themselves by what they do. I have seen Rabbis age not so gracefully, as well. It is difficult to watch as a human being struggles with their future – one which is closer to their demise than when they were say, 20 or 30 or 40 or 50. Have you seen aging professionals. What do they look like,  sound like?

3. I went into a dollar store today. I was going to buy a $9 bbq, or a $2 map of the world, or a $3 mug and dish, with spoon. Instead I bought headphones that are to big for my cell phone. What’s up with dollar stores? Do they  make money? I always wondered about them and confectionary stores. How many licorice and Oh Henry bars do they need to sell to make a profit?

1.  A grandmother was playing with her grandson at the park my son, his Mom and I were at today. She got upset with him and started to walk away. He was eight. I said to her, ‘come on now Grandma’ you can’t walk away because you’re upset, and I suggested to her grandson that he apologize. He did and she came back. I thought how it has been for many of us who grew up in an environment where everyone around us was scared of anger, and a situation that made us angry compelled us to leave. Man, what’s the message we learn from that. Anger is bad. The way to deal with it is by getting pissed off and departing. Did you grow up in a house with a similar way? Have you been able to fight it, overcome it so you deal better with anger? What have you taught your children or those you are close with about anger?

2.  Wikipedia has a homepage with news on it. Today the headlines read:

  A fire at the Bashundhara City shopping mall (pictured) in Dhaka, Bangladesh, kills seven people and injures 50 more.

  American businessman Bernard Madoff pleads guilty to the largest investment fraud in U.S. history.

  Cougar Helicopters Flight 91 ditches in the Atlantic Ocean near Newfoundland, Canada, killing 17 people.

  An oil spill in Australia‘s Coral Sea is reported as Queensland‘s worst environmental disaster.

  A school shooting kills at least 15 people in Winnenden, Germany, and another shooting spree kills at least 10 people in the U.S. state of  Alabama.

So why is this the news that we are constantly fed? Bad news. Death, torture, rape, shooting sprees, crashes…over and over and over. What is the idea behind bombarding our senses with all the terrible things going on in the entire world? What is this approach doing to our world’s senses and sensitivity? When I was in journalism school they told us news is supposed to teach you something, give you a sense of the world we live in. So is that it?  Do we live in a world of just that? You know there is a newspaper called ‘Good News Toronto’. http://www.goodnewstoronto.ca/.  It’s just good news, but I received an e-mail saying it’s going under. Not surprising. Why do we want bad news?

3. In Good News Toronto, there is an article titled: Every Child Deserves a Home. It is about a local family who adopted a little guy through Terre De Hommes. Read the article (see link above). It is a beautiful piece on the need to respond to the millions of orphans worldwide. I have always wanted to adopt children – many – but my personal situation is not now conducive to that dream. Would you adopt a child? Knowing how many need to have a home in the world (some say 50 million, some say 100 million – whatever the true number it is astonishing) do you ever dream of it? I like what Brad and Angelina have done. It is impressive and inspiring. How about you? Would you adopt? 

1. I know that today as you read this there is an incredible gathering of people somewhere who are celebrating life in some way. I know that today while I’m sitting in a difficult meeting, in the world, not far from home, some people will be dancing and singing in a spirit befitting royalty. I frequently consider how many things I am missing in the world while I’m doing something else – a riveting race across the country in old RVs, or the recording of a short story, or a collective walk along the snow-boulders of a cold climate. There is so much going on in the world and we are only privy to some of it. Do you ever have these thoughts – sort of, ‘damn, I missed that party’. On some very existential level I regret not being part of every great celebration going on in the world, or every significant event. We are small, only large enough to attend 1 or 2 of those. Imagine how many we’re missing. Do you think about this?

2. I offered a plumber a glass of water the other day. I have heard since from trades people that not everyone does that, i.e. asks ‘workers’ if they would like a cold drink, or a hot one.  I assume that one of the reasons people do offer a drink is because they empathize with the effort the person is putting in, and recognize perhaps from their past, that physical work can be bone breaking. I’m going to guess that those who don’t offer a drink have little association with white collar work. Do you offer a drink to ‘workers’? How come?

3. A friend told me that she has had a number of foster children but needs to recognize when she can do know more for them. She mentioned to me that she has brought people to live in her house and although this may detract from the time she has with her children, over all she sees the lessons they learn from this as being very positive. She also added that there comes a time, once her children had grown, that she can’t do everything for them. So while they are figuring out that ‘Mommy’ is now just ‘Mom’ and a kiss to a boo-boo won’t make things all better, she spends some time with someone she can help. Her explanation seemed logical and decent. I didn’t challenge her on her points, at least not to much, because she is a mighty fine person who has been doing this for year. She is one of those individuals who are amazingly sturdy and strong. Have you ever taken someone into your home to give them a place to rest? How come you haven’t? When you did was it a challenge to figure out a balance in the house?

1. A Holocaust Survivor told me today she remembers when the SS reached into a bunker where she and her parents were hiding during the Holocaust and dragged them out, and others be they Jewish or non-Jewish.

I wondered what it must have been like to be a little girl and watch your parents being dehumanized and taken away from you. The other day I read about a little boy who was locked inside a day care centre until 11:00 p.m., because of a ‘mix up’ in terms of who was supposed to pick him up. When the found the little boy he was dressed in his winter outdoor clothing, lying on a mat shaking. But these kids survive, and so do many others and build incredible lives for themselves. How? I don’t know. Lord of the Flies takes another twist on children’s survivability. It addresses the warring nature of children. So what lies inside human nature? What lies inside children that allow them to survive war, to wait patiently until they are saved, to fight aggressively when required? And why are some children just so scared?

2. I am almost 49 and I still live on Bathurst Street. Where did the bigness of my dreams go? Where have yours gone? Remember when you thought you would be living on the water somewhere writing your novel, dressed in frilly dresses, or ripped shorts? Where did that dream go? Shouldn’t it have been here by now?

But then, my friend’s Dad lives a simple life, in an apartment and is  a giant of a man, loving and appreciating every moment of his life and those whom he loves? He doesn’t need to live anywhere else and is happy with his lot. My friend’s Dad is a a chacham – a wise man who leads people and advices them and a real leader in his community. Every day he would work in a warehouse, and then come home to teach Bar Mitzvah or council a couple about to break up. On Shabbat he would lead the services, or more so orchestrate them  – which is indeed what prayer in a Sephardic shul is like. It is classic and requires a kind of greatness to run it.  So maybe he’s got it right. Maybe the dreams because more focused on family things and activies very close to us. I think that I’m going to follow my friend’s father’s lead. How do you do with realigning your dreams? Have you done that and then felt even stronger?

3.  I had a best friend when I was a kid who moved to Israel and became ultra-Orthodox. We eventually stopped talking. It became too hard and strained over time because I was wanting him to be the goofs we used to be, and he seemed to be interested in me being more religious. Maybe I’m wrong, but that is the sense I got. So today we don’t talk anymore and I am so deeply saddened by our loss. Lately I started writing him e-mails with no expectation of hearing back from him; just hoping that he would read them. I haven’t heard back yet, and don’t know if I will. It bothers me so much to have lost a friend, someone whom I loved so very much. By the way, the pundits on this subject tell me, that I haven’t lost a friend, only a certain type of friendship. Could be. I’m looking at that. Have you had this in your life, loosing a friend that is, and really not wanting to, and not have any idea how to fix it? Damn.